The Rise of Smitty Bang

I've wanted to post an update on my life post-surgery for awhile, but I've been so busy living a better life. This might be TMI but if you don't know already how I am, why are you here?



One year ago this week, I was tired, in much pain and scared of the future. Today, I'm tired (for different reasons), in some pain (same different reasons) and so excited for each new day.

Learning that I needed a hysterectomy was gutting. I felt like I failed as a woman, I wasn't strong enough, my membership in the sisterhood was revoked. I couldn't even be that woman that had a tampon to loan you in the public bathroom anymore. I just knew I was making a mistake...

It was a slow road to total recovery. I managed to exercise pretty frequently despite major surgery but was easily fatigued for a good 6 months. Once the healing began, I started to feel better than ever. I hadn't had this kind of energy since puberty began. I didn't want to waste any more of my time being sick and lying around.

Not long after the surgery, I took my daughter, Maggie, down to join the junior roller derby team in our town. I enjoyed skating so much as a kid and I knew Maggie was getting into it since moving here. Within minutes of talking to her new coach she was asking me what was stopping me from joining the adult team. I stared blankly at her for a minute, then told her I'd get back to her in a year. I didn't stop thinking about that moment for another 8 months.

Maggie continued to practice with her team and I watched her progress and change into a different person. She had a new confidence. Even when she had a bad practice, she was raring to go for the next one.




In January, I was 9 months post-op. Not quite the one year my doctor recommended before resuming any high impact activities. I went to a recruitment night for the Capidolls on a whim. I don't even think I had talked to my husband about it. As everyone already on the team went around in a circle describing derby, I knew I wanted this.

I should mention, I had not skated since at least 1993 before this night.

I was given a packet of required skills needed to join the team. The list was daunting and I started to really feel like I was in over my head. I wondered if some of these drills & skills were maybe not doable for someone that has had the repairs I had.

After a week I was ready to just give up. I wanted it bad but didn't think I had it in me. I was keeping it a secret from everyone just in case it didn't work out. Then, like they sensed my mental state, I started getting friend requests on Facebook, one by one. My new sisters were rallying around me in support. I can't remember the last time I felt anything like that. How could I quit when I was locked into such a huge commitment as being Facebook friends?!

My husband convinced me to call my doctor about some of my fears, the ones she could do anything about. The rest, I'd just have to suck up. We went through my skill packet together on the phone. Dr. C had workarounds for most things that were iffy or not okay for me and assured me a life as a derby girl was within reach.

I had team practice on Tuesdays, Scrimmaging on Thursdays, Skating Skills classes on Saturdays and I spent many Sunday nights at sessions just trying to get ready for my skills test.



Here we are, 3 months later. After many many falls, more sweat than I ever thought possible and even a little pee on the track, I am tougher than ever before. I guess I didn't need a uterus to make me feel invincible after all.

On the eve of my graduation from Fresh Meat to Punisher, I want to thank everyone that helped me get here, and those that are standing with me as we graduate together.

And on the eve of my first bout, I am so thankful for everyone in my life that pushed me, encouraged me, taught me, patted me on the back or high fived me. It means the world to me.

The Big Day

I wanted to wait to write about my hysterectomy until some time had passed so I had the clearest memories of those days, but I didn't intend to wait 2 months. I started to feel so great that I almost totally forgot I'd had surgery. I also wanted to put this into detail in case someone stumbles upon it, looking for information before their own surgery. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ My husband had so much going at work around the same time as my surgery so I panicked and begged my sister to come stay with us for a few days. I drove 2 hours to pick her up in Denver. It was so nice to have that time to myself. I'd been so busy trying to make sure everything was ready for my downtime that I hadn't had any time to just be relaxed. It was such a beautiful drive. The day before surgery was my sister's first full day in town and also the day I had to do what is called "bowel prep" or as my sister and I called it, "shit storm '12". I still wanted to show her around town and do whatever we wouldn't be able to do the rest of her stay. I was on a clear liquid diet only. I was pretty grumpy. At lunch time, I had to start the awfulness of the prep. My throat refused to drink the 16 ounce clear fluid. It seriously just closed up and would not allow it through! It was like salt water and it just sat there in my mouth. Everyone kept telling me this was the worst part of the ordeal and now I know why. The rest of my day was spent in my bathroom... The week of surgery, my friend's son came down with foot & mouth disease. She was originally our sitter for the operation. My sister has Multiple Sclerosis and I was unsure what would happen to her if we came in contact with any funky illnesses so we had to make a Plan B. Scott would be staying home with the kids and Kelly would be coming with me. This was good for me because I'm a worry wart and so is my husband. I was comforted know he would be taking care of the kids and they'd all be in their comfort zone. I downloaded season 2 of Downton Abbey onto my Kindle Fire for Kelly to watch during her wait. The morning of surgery, I was cranky from not eating for the past 30 hours or so and I had a pounding headache. Luckily the hour-long drive flew by and so did the waiting in the surgery center waiting area. Once in the back, they outfitted me with a gown that the nurse pumped warm air in to and then she put these things over my legs that looked like bubble wrap that prevented blood clots. I don't think I've ever answered so many questions in my life. I'm sure it was annoying for them also because Kelly & I are incapable of being serious together. We were so obnoxious. I made sure at every opportunity to make it clear I expected to wake up with a new vagina, flat stomach and perky boobs. One out of three ain't bad. They couldn't give me that anesthesia fast enough. I recall shouting, "Whoa, I'm so high!" and then it was lights out. My procedures were scheduled to be: Total Hysterectomy, Sacral colpopexy, cystocele & rectocele repair and removal of some ovarian cysts. This was to take 2 hours or so. I came to 5 hours later in the same spot I was in before surgery. I was dressed somehow, eating jell-o and looking at photos of my internal organs. I really thought I was dreaming. I heard my surgeon tell a nurse that I had extensive endometriosis and the operation went on all afternoon instead of the 2 hours. I started to panic because I knew my sister was waiting all that time! They let her back to see me within those first few minutes. They tried to make me eat toast but because I'd been given anti-nausea meds, it just sat there in my mouth. I was really out of it but I couldn't miss the giant bag of my pee sitting there in the bed. I knew I'd be catheterized but why was it still here?? Kelly was driving us home about 20 minutes later. The weird thing was that I'd only driven that way from this hospital one time, using a GPS. According to her, I told her step by step instructions on how to get to my house with no mistakes. I was really foggy but I remember her breaking down too. It was very scary for her when things went way long and no one was getting her information. We shared a room until we were leaving the nest and she was afraid she was about to have to make scary decisions for me. I will forever feel horrible about that. It wasn't until the next day, Friday the 20th, that I knew what really happened. I had a foley catheter - a huge bag with a tube running into my urethra. My shoulder was hurting so bad. I had 5 holes on my tummy and stitched in a way to make them all look like new belly buttons. The anesthesia and gas pumped into me was causing chest pains. My throat was really sore from the tube that went down it. And I had stitches in my perineum, unexpectedly. For the Da Vinci surgery, I was inverted at a 45° angle for 4-5 hours. My surgeon went in to remove the uterus. It was full of Adenomyosis and fibroids and way enlarged. And fused to my bladder. While detaching the two, I lost a chunk of bladder, so I get stuck with the catheter for a whole week! There was extensive scar tissue and also tons of endometriosis implants. I never even knew I had that but now it explains so much. Both ovaries had large cysts that were removed, while saving the ovaries. Hallelujah! She also repaired the bladder, rectum and vagina that had all been shoved down by the weight of the uterus all this time. She told my sister that my kids really tore things up in there. I was surprised that I wasn't in horrible pain for all that was done to me. I guess it is a testament to the amount of pain I've tolerated daily for the last few years. By day 3, I felt fairly well and was taking care of myself. Which is good because it was time for Kelly to go back to Atlanta and I'd be home alone all day while Scott drove her to the airport. I tried to nap but I had so much energy that I couldn't. I went from Tramadol at night to just Motrin. Things were going really well but hormonal surges were convincing me that it was all horrible. There was much crying and it was usually directed at my poor husband. Like clockwork, I'd get a hot flash and a mood swing each night at 8pm for the first couple weeks. But I was otherwise great. The catheter came out after a week and despite my fears, I was peeing just fine. So fine that I could make it through the night without going to the potty! Stitches in my belly came out at 10 days and everything there looked fine as well. At 6 weeks, I had an internal exam and was cleared to return to EVERYTHING. I am not a huggy person but even at 6 weeks, I felt such an immense improvement in my health that I just wanted to squeeze Dr. C so hard. I was practically skipping when I left her office. When I first started down this path, a hysterecomy was so scary to me. I'm only 31 years old and I've always thought of myself as such a strong woman. To be told a huge part of your womanly identity is majorly flawed is crushing. I'm glad I had the support system around me that I did and was able to see the bright side. I have a fancy new hoo-ha and no more kids are going to screw it up! I'll never have to ever plan around a period again either.

Mini update

I'm 6 days post-hysterectomy!! I'm still working on a blog about the surgery itself but there is so much to say. I just wanted to update and say that I am okay. More than okay. I feel pretty wonderful for just having had major surgery. I believe in the power of robots now. My sister was soooooo amazing through this and I'm so grateful for her every single day. I don't know how I would have gotten through this without here here with us. I'll get to that other blog post soon but I have picnic plans with my dudes. :D

TMI

I'm trying really hard to keep a sense of humor about having my entire undercarriage overhauled, I really am. But there seems to be some cosmic force working against me.

My surgery is in 9 days. That is 9 days to clean my house from top to bottom, grocery shop for at least a few weeks worth of food, organize things so other people can help themselves, freeze meals for Scott and the kids, and most importantly, Get all the sex I can possibly get.

After surgery, there will be at least 6 weeks of 'pelvic rest', if not more. Because I require some other repairs down there, I'm most likely facing a longer recovery. I shouldn't complain because I've survived 2 pregnancies where sex was off limits, and also numerous deployments apart from the husband.

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On March 26th, I started what I thought was my last period ever. It had only been 3 weeks since the previous period so I was pretty irked. Once it was over, I threw out every pair of period panties I had in my drawer and took the case of tampons out of the cabinet. It was very freeing!

Since then, I've been working my job. I work from home and even though it averages out to a 10 day span of the month, I can work all day and still have more to do at night. That means I'm too busy to do much around the house and things fall apart. I tried not to stress even though I felt like the mess was putting me further behind my goal of a spotless, organized home before surgery. My fatigue is so bad that I did well just to keep up with dishes and cook dinner every night. I kept telling myself the weekend was coming and I could catch up. I was dead wrong!

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Friday, I had an appointment with my surgeon. She told me ahead of time she'd be checking out my bladder to see what she was working with and get an idea of anything it needed done to it during my hysterectomy. They told me my insurance was rejecting the 'procedure' because it should really be done inpatient in the hospital. WHAT?!! I'm in your office, an hour from my house...I drove myself here!!! The nurse kept saying it was no big deal and everything was fine. Then they handed me a sheet with 'post-op instructions'. Wait, this is an operation? On it, highlighted, it says NO SEX FOR 14 DAYS. Are you kidding me? I have 13 days left until my surgery, lady! I'm trying to stay calm, but this ginormous bag of fluid hanging over my head and all these weird looking instruments are starting to seriously skeeve me out.

My doctor comes into the procedure room, followed by a male med student. Awesome. Then she proceeds to put a condom on an ultrasound probe and pour a serious amount of lube on it. I start to giggle nervously and say, "I guess there's just no dignity left in any of this anymore." She did the ultrasound and found my issues were only getting worse and I'm still making the right decision to remove my uterus.

Next she tested my bladder by filling it with fluid through my urethra, via a catheter. It was my job to tell her when I absolutely could no longer stand it, and try not to kick her in the face. Then, I had to run down the hall, out into the LOBBY to the restroom. Did I mention I'm in a hospital gown and barefoot? I'd even forgotten to wear socks!! A nurse followed and timed how long it took to empty the cold fluid from my bladder and then she measured it. My doctor did some sort of mathematical calculations and figured out exactly how sad my poor bladder really is.
When I returned to the room I thought I was done, but she still wanted to prod me some more. She and the student took turns looking through a scope inside of my bladder. It was so awkward watching them down there, like tourists with one of those telescopes you put a quarter in at the Grand Canyon. She mapped out a plan of action and decided she can fix me up and everything should last me a long time as long as I stop lifting heavy things. Oy.

When I got home I googled as many possible combinations of words as I could think of to see if it was really necessary to avoid sex for 2 weeks now. I couldn't find any answers but did find that most people that have a cystoscopy, as I'd just had, get anesthesia. Now, it wasn't bad at all but I feel kind of ripped off for not getting good drugs.

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Saturday, Scott and I went to the movies and did some Easter shopping for the kids. It was a nice afternoon date but I was starting to feel funky. By the next morning I had a full blown cold that knocked me on my butt. My head felt like a bowling ball and I my eyes were so sensitive to light. Scott went off shooting with his friend for the morning. I made him go even though I was in no shape to care for the kids. I know he's got a few weeks stuck indoors with me coming up. I was only able to lie on the couch and watch the house around me getting messier, laundry getting higher and my nose getting runnier. I was trying not to panic about being so sick before surgery. I have asthma and I know they'll postpone it if my lungs are not in decent shape.

So now I'm sick with a horrendous head cold. I haven't been sick in over a year because I was taking so many vitamins daily and taking better care of myself. A week ago, I stopped all supplements to get ready for surgery, wouldn't you know. I'm trying to tough it out and mentally talk this cold out of my face. I only have two more days before I can't even take a Motrin for a headache! Scott won't come near me because he's afraid of this illness and needs to be in top shape for work. So I've been sleeping on the couch for his sake.

I felt way better today and even worked out- twice! I decided that I only have 1 more week with my original parts and I'd hate to waste this time not having sex. What if it is never the same again? I finished my round of antibiotics from the cystoscopy, drank tons of water every day and had no issues so I was going to chance sex anyway. Well, it is never a good idea to make plans. I just started another period. It has been 2 weeks since my last one. By the time this stupid jerk goes away, it'll be too late.



I'm telling myself this is no big deal, it won't be the last time I ever have sex again. A perk of this surgery is that I'll have a completely rebuilt you-know-what. That means I'll be like a 17 year old down there! But I'm only 31. I'm at that age where things are awesome and comfortable and here I go messing with the works...

Serious Lady Business

I should probably preface this saga with a warning. This subject matter may offend some or make you feel just plain uncomfortable. I can't help that but I just wanted to tell my story and hopefully help other women. I have always been an over-sharer. We were taught not to discuss these types of issues but I disagree. Not discussing this problem is why I'm at this point, maybe.

I have always had it easy when it came to all things reproductive. I never had any complaints about periods and I was able to get pregnant two times very easily. I didn't even start menstruating until I was almost 14 years old.

My pregnancies were not without problems. I had false labors several times. Both babies were laying sooooo low and always putting pressure on me. With Jack, my second child, I had excruciating back pains and round ligament pain. But my deliveries could not have been easier! I was able to get through with no epidurals, no problems. I was up, walking around and helping clean up the room after my first child was born.

Jack was born in 2007 and by 2009 I was confident I was done having babies. Scott deployed to Iraq and I decided that was the best time to have a tubal ligation. Both times I got pregnant, he had just returned home from deployments overseas. I needed to get 'fixed' before he had any chance to get near me. The surgery was quick and painless. I was home within 4 or 5 hours, walking around the mall the next day. The only side effect I'd noticed was I now had a nerve pain in my right leg once a month.

Scott returned home from Iraq 2 weeks after my surgery and the Air Force moved us across the country within 3 months, in January 2010.

Once we got settled in here, I started putting on weight. Lots of it. I was already heavy to being with. I attributed it to living in a new place, altitude, being a homebody, crappy weather trapping me indoors, etc. I also started feeling weird all the time, like in a fog. I couldn't recall information as quickly as I used to, started forgetting things Scott or Maggie asked me to do. I lost interest in all my hobbies.

I've had a weak bladder for the past 10 years, since being pregnant with Maggie. But it only got worse. I never do anything without first saying, "Let me go pee first." I assumed my weight was the issue. After all, it was only getting worse the heavier I was getting.

In October 2011, exactly one year after my tubal ligation, I realized I'd gained 40lbs already. I decided to do something about it. I was hoping to reverse my bladder issue, reduce my asthma severity and get back to the way I looked when I got married in 2000. I never meant to 'let myself go' as much as I had.

I got a treadmill, kicked soda to the curb, stopped eating as much garbage and just made my health my #1 priority. By New Years 2012, I'd lost 60lbs.

I really thought after losing so much weight I would feel amazing! On the contrary, things were getting worse. I had an energy boost for awhile but it had disappeared. Instead, I started needing to sleep in late, take naps or just lie around in my pajamas all day. My periods started getting crazy bad. I was having hysterical mood swings. I would gain 8-10lbs with each period and then spend the rest of the month getting that weight back off. It got to the point that I only felt okay after my period was over up until it was time to ovulate. And then that evolved into just one week of okay-ness out of the month. I was getting debilitating back aches that extended down my butt and leg. I knew things were way off but thought this was just how things were as you get older.



Before Christmas 2011, my husband told me I needed to do something about my problems. He never knew when I was going to freak out on him. I thought I really just needed therapy.

In January I finally got in to see a gynecologist. I was hoping she'd give me a physical, maybe an anti-depressant and a referral to a shrink. She was pretty cold and callous. She said I had no right to complain about heavy periods if I had 15 years of light ones first. But then she did the exam. She told me what I already knew in the back of my mind. My uterus was low. Way low. The midwife instantly started discussing having a hysterectomy. WHAT?! I'm 30 years old!! I know I'm done with kids but I'm not open to just removing any organ I don't currently use! I left the appointment pretty pissed.

I made another appointment to see a doctor at the base clinic for a second opinion. She was younger and much nicer so I thought for sure she'd see things my way. She confirmed the problem also. She reassured me it was not a done deal yet, maybe a surgeon could offer me more options.

While I'm doctor hopping, my issues are getting much worse. I have pelvic pain nearly daily. I can't lift anything heavy without cramping or spotting. My back and uterus are trying to mutiny. I started researching my options while I was waiting for my next appointment to come around. I'd located a surgeon with great reviews, an hour away, in Colorado. I was praying she'd be able to put some 2x4's in there and some duct tape and make things work for another 30 years at least.

My 31st birthday comes and goes, but not without a visit from my insane hormones. At this point, I'm starting to come to grips with the possibility of having my uterus removed, but I'm scared to death of what this will mean for my sex life. What if something goes wrong and I'm never the same down there again? I can't stop Googling every possible outcome. Before this, I'd never heard of Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome. I feel like if I had been more informed before my tubal ligation about possible outcomes, I wouldn't be here. Things went to hell in a hand basket so quickly after I begged a doctor to sterilize me.

So the time came when I finally met with the surgeon. She thinks my problems are too severe to save it. So we moved forward with surgery planning. After 3 opinions, I was out of fight. She was able to connect my mood swings & fatigue to a giant cyst on my right ovary. My heavy periods and back pains caused by my enlarged, angry uterus. She suspects Adenomyosis is causing a ruckus in there as well. Removing the uterus and cervix, she says, will also eliminate the incontinence. She will perform the surgery using a DaVinci robot system. I'll have 4 tiny little holes, glued shut, on my stomach. And I will go home that day!

My surgery is scheduled for April 19th, 2012. I am excited that my sister is able to come be with me. My husband is a great caregiver, but having another woman with me while I recover will be great. He can't begin to understand the symbolism of having a uterus removed. I started taking Zoloft preemptively too. I'm sure the blues will hit while I'm stuck watching everyone else take control. I have serious issues about not being in charge.

I had my last period I'm ever going to have. It was awful and every minute of it reassured me I was making the right decision. As soon as it was over, I tossed out my 'period panties' and packed up a case of tampons to send away.

I'm not scared, but excited about the future! I have been on the path to being healthier and happier so this bump in the road isn't going to slow me down for much longer. I am looking forward to jumping on the trampoline with my kids. I want to try a Zumba class and see what all the fuss is about. I want to be a great mom and wife that isn't always about to fly off the handle for no reason.

I don't want anyone to be sorry for me. If my quality of life is suffering, why should I put this off any longer? I just wanted to share my story and help other women be more open about these issues and symptoms.

My bad...

So I haven't blogged since April 19th. I've been taking some photos but I just can't keep up with the daily project anymore. A photo a day sounds so simple but carries so much pressure with it, really.
Maggie got sick for an entire week so I pushed it aside. Then I didn't feel well, then came work... Before I knew it, a couple weeks had passed.
I guess I'll just have to update as it comes to me instead of forcing myself to find something every single day. I'm sure it'll be at least somewhat more interesting.

Day 27